Staying True While Navigating the Austin, Texas Scene
You know, it's hard to admit, but I’m starting to forget things, and I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or just smoking too much weed. Either way, it’s messing with me—not just annoying me but scaring the hell out of me. I hear about other folks my age going through the same thing, and yeah, it gives me a little comfort. But it still freaks me out because I haven’t reached the goals I’ve been working toward for so long. By now, I should be killing it on stage, but instead, I’m getting blocked from performing at clubs in Austin, Texas. And every time I think about trying another club, I’m hit with this fear that I might walk in and realize I’ve been there before without even remembering.
It’s like there’s this secret club of people who’ve decided I don’t belong. I know it sounds paranoid, even delusional, but it’s real. I’ve had comedians who barely know me talk trash behind my back—one even said he hated me, and we’ve never exchanged more than a few words. Maybe it’s the way I dress. One of them had the nerve to say I’m going through a midlife crisis. Man, that’s a real shame. I came to Austin to pursue comedy, to be myself, and not give a damn what anyone thought. I wanted to buy the clothes I’ve always wanted to wear, especially after losing all that weight. I wanted to express who I am. I know I’m eccentric, and I’m fine with that. Hell, I like being eccentric if that’s the word for it. But I’m not trying to be weird just for the sake of it. This is who I am, but it seems to rub a lot of people the wrong way.
And then there’s the fact that I’m a big guy, got some muscle on me. People see me walk in the room and assume I’m looking to bully someone or be the tough guy. But that’s not me. I just want folks to leave me alone. The thing is, when you’re kind, people see that as an opportunity to take advantage. They act nice, but they’re always angling to get something from you, and it never fails. I know it’s partly my fault—I’ve been hanging out with the wrong crowd. I need to raise my standards, and I was trying to, but then my car got stolen, along with my clothes and even my dog. But I won’t get into all that right now.
What I want you to know is that I’m dead serious about comedy. I’m not just trying to be funny for the hell of it. I want people to laugh, to enjoy what I do, and yeah, I want to get paid for it. I think it’s ridiculous when comedians pretend that money doesn’t matter. That’s a load of crap. One comedian even got on my case about it, acting all punk rock, saying money isn’t important. But then I saw him in an interview complaining about how he’s gone nowhere in his career. A lot of these comedians think that just because they get on the Kill Tony podcast, they’re going to blow up overnight. They’re all waiting to be discovered, but they don’t have a clue how to market themselves or build a brand.
I know I’m all over the place with this, so I’ll stop here. But just know, I’m in this for the long haul, and I’m not letting up.
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