Crossroads in Austin

I don't really know what to do with myself right now. I came down to Austin, Texas, to pursue stand-up comedy, and I've come to a harsh realization. Due to some personal issues of mine, I haven't exactly been popular with people in the long run. Sure, at first, everybody seems to like me, but then something happens, and it all falls apart.

Over the years, I've started to theorize that it's probably because people are just too comfortable with who they already know. Even if you're okay, you haven't earned the right to have any personal problems with them—no petty arguments or anything of the sort. The minute you rub someone the wrong way in a new group, you're out. You're ostracized, hated, and you'd better not dare say a word about it. Because if you do, in my experience, people will gaslight you. They'll call you schizophrenic, say it's all in your head, that you're making it up.

When I try to explain this to the average person, they get all superstitious on me, talking about self-fulfilling prophecy. I get it; I understand self-fulfilling prophecies. It's the main premise of my first book, soon to be released, called When a Lie Becomes the Truth. But I digress.

I came down to Austin to chase a comedy career and develop my music. I spent an entire year writing comedy, performing, and living homeless in my car. I saved up a lot of money and never missed a payment—whether it was for music equipment I purchased on layaway, up front, or my car note. The very first night I decided to perform live, I got banned from Austin comedy clubs. And I didn't even realize I'd been banned from several of them.

It became clear that if someone doesn't like you in one club, you're toast in all of them. The folks working the doors are connected, they're friends, and they'll ban you everywhere. They'll tell you right to your face, "We honor other clubs' bans."

So now, I'm sitting in my car with this crazy kitten, watching it grow bigger way too fast. I'm trying to figure out if I should keep pursuing comedy in Austin or start heading west, but I'm scared of California, to be honest. I used to live there on Hollywood Boulevard. I don't know. I guess I just needed to write something down right now, but I'll get back to you guys.